Saturday, December 23, 2006

Rating your Beer Buddies for the Holidays!

Sometimes you might be in quandary on who to see during the holidays. Sometimes it may just come down to the Buddy with the best beer.

This here is a primer by Samoasoftball to determine who is the top beer worthy buddy to visit. I will use a countdown for a visual.

You open up your buddies Fridge and there is:

10. No Beer and only half empty bottle of wine- This is a message from his wife or girlfriend that you are not welcome. Show her up by going to the local store and buy a 24 pack and pass out on their couch. That will teach her to mess with your buddy.

9. Any beer with the name “Ice” behind it-This is beer for people looking for trouble. You may have a few with your buddy, and then he is looking to pick a fight. And “YOU” may be the only one around handy with a likewise buzz. Since you are probably in the garage with him, yell inside the trailer for his girlfriend, to come get him under control. (You didn’t think this type guy gets married do ya?)

8. Olympia- This buddy obviously wants to drink alone. If he offers you one, turn it down and tell him you need to find your wife to go shopping.

7. Hamm’s- Sky Blue water less the taste. This buddy is in need of a loan, if he is working at all! Drink what you will, but you will have to listen to his sob story.

6. Keystone-Yes, you will have to endure the “it takes like Coors” BS. His wife will only let him spend so much a week on beer. Only drink one. This guy needs it more than you.

5. Natural Light-Drink to your hearts content. I am not sure if there is any alcohol in this stuff or not.

4. Pabst-This stuff got a blue ribbon? When, the 1800’s? You remember the Lay’s commercial, “Bet you can’t have just one?” This one works just the opposite, I bet you don’t want to drink more than one.

3. Budweiser-The King of beers. For the football fan, upper-middle class, boring married buddy that hides his beer in the back of the Fridge. Heck, you had to push two casserole dishes aside just to find the stuff! Just visit long enough to finish off his six-pack. (His wife won’t let him buy more, and she is trying to eye you out the door the whole time your there. Does she really need to go to bed by 11pm? Come on, the newscast is just starting.)

2. Coors Light-The Nectar of Humboldt County. Stock car drivers, bowlers, softball players, hockey fans and mostly the working middle class go for this choice. And in the counties case, the most popular empty beer can to throw out the window of a car. You notice that most of these people keep their fridges well stocked? Call a designated driver and bar-hop BC’s and Myrtlewood Lounge. They are jumping on a Wednesday aren’t they?

And the #1. Foo-Foo Beers-Corona/Lost Coast/Sierra Nevada/Heiniken/Mad River Brewery- The Motherlode of Buddies. This Buddy is to be your friend for life! Make sure you tread lightly and don’t cause waves with his women. And this one usually is going through a few of them! This is the buddy your wife says to stay away from, but you never do.

I know my buddies who are recognizing who I am writing about are probably putting me on their do not invite list. This may not be a good idea.

Now seriously, if you drink during the holidays, please do so in moderation. Keep everyone safe for the New Year. And have a Very Merry Christmas!


Anonymous said...

Hey the other Richard, nice article.

me, I am sitting here right now and sipping on a medium cold Steelhead, extra Pale Ale...

And I am going to sip on another one, and another one, and another one and so on and so on...

The greatet thing is that I don't have to see anyone or be anywhere, just me and the Steelhead, boy life is so grand--then again tomorrow I may be a little rough around the edges, but I kind of like that once in a while---gives a person character...

Now what did I do with that Cuban cigar, mmmmm....

samoasoftball said...
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Anonymous said...

Budweiser tastes like horse piss. I know cuz a horse pissed in my face once when I tried to shoe her.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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Heraldo Riviera said...

Now what did I do with that Cuban cigar, mmmmm....

I couldn't help but think of this comment when I read the news this morning of some poor dude in Arcata whose cigar set his house on fire.

samoasoftball said...

It is always a bummer to see fires during the holidays.

Eric V. Kirk said...

Carona's a foo foo beer? I suppose Dos Equis is as well?

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is my fav anywhere - though I don't think they qualify as "microbrew" anymore.

Anonymous said...

samoasoftball said...
It is always a bummer to see fires during the holidays.

8:08 PM

Then why is that song so popular?
You know. "Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire."

samoasoftball said...

Corona is kinda pricey for my buddies. That is like a beer for when you you wear a tie or something to that purpose. Sorry Eric, foo foo.

Anonymous said...