Saturday, April 29, 2017

Softball King at 60!

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m am the Softball King. The best softballer you will ever witness.

Just ask the opposing teams in the 3 leagues I’m in this summer. I flat out rake. You could populate a small country with all the pitchers I've taken to shallow right. No wonder they walk me so many times in a season. Gotta be intimidation.

I just spent lots of time hitting batting practice. Blooper drives, blooper flies, opposite field bloopers. I can do it all. Some kids at the skateboard park at Coopers had to stop and were staring and pointing at me in awe. I can’t blame them. They’ve probably never seen a 60 year man wearing Oakley Blades and batting gloves who can hit rake bloopers like me. Especially not with shorts this tight.

This season, I am in it for revenge. We fell in the B League Championship Game in Arcata to Sushi Spot. The taste still lingers.  I’ve gotta get my hands on that 3-foot plastic trophy and tee shirt. It’s all I think about. Rumor has it the league winners get 2 free pitchers at the Jambalaya after the season. No way we lose with the trophy, shirts and 78 ounces of Bud on the line.

I just bought all new equipment for this season and you should see the extra long stripped baggy baseball pants I got. Super tight. I picked up a new set of wristbands, a tube of eye black and a pair of 3-inch mud cleats, you know, just in case I need to break up a double play. I also got my hands on one of those $25 Louisville bats for a little extra power. It may cost me a part of my retirement pension, but screw it, when I start cranking 100-foot pop ups it will be worth it. I am the John Wooden of the woodbat hitters! My dribbler to third is something to witness! 

This year I’m focused. In my mind I have visualized what needs to get done. My initials might as well be M-V-P. That stands for Most Valuable Player for all you non-softball players. The League starts tomorrow.

Why do I take softball so seriously? You kidding me? You’re just jealous! See you at the ball park!

King Richard

President Mad River Softball Association

3 comments:

Henchman Of Justice said...

60 and going strong💪😎.

Ronald den Heyer said...

You had me at two pitchers. 🍺🍺

Ronald den Heyer said...

Hey Richard, I'm actually in a softball league. Our team name? A fitting Senior Moments.