Tuesday, June 10, 2014

That Time of the Year to revisit King Richard!


Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m Richard Marks the best friging softball player you’ve ever met.

Just ask the opposing teams in the 2 leagues I’m in this summer. I flat out rake. You could populate a small country with all the pitchers I've taken to shallow right.

I just spent three hours out in Samoa hitting batting practice. Line drives, big flies, opposite field shots. I can do it all. Some kids were staring and pointing at me in awe. I can’t blame them. They’ve probably never seen a late 50’s man wearing Oakley Blades and batting gloves who can hit dribblers like me. Especially not with shorts this tight.

This season, I’m making sure we sweep all 2 leagues. Especially the Men’s Composite League at Arcata. We were two outs and 5 wins away from winning that baby last year and now I can taste it. I’ve gotta get my hands on that 3-foot plastic trophy and tee shirt. It’s all I think about. Rumor has it the league winners get 2 free pitchers at Big Pete’s Pizza after the season. No way we lose with the trophy, shirts and 78 ounces of Bud on the line.

I just bought all new equipment for this season and you should see the extra long stripped baggy baseball pants I got. Super tight. I picked up a new set of wristbands, a tube of eye black and a pair of 3-inch mud cleats, you know, just in case I need to break up a double play. I also got to get my hands on one of those $350 Miken Ultra II bat for a little extra power. It may cost me a week’s retirement pension, but screw it, when I start cranking 200-foot pop ups it will be worth it. And wood bat? My dribbler to third is something to witness!   

This year I’m focused. I practiced like a son of a bitch in the winter at Samoa Field with Les Charter and I got the call to play catcher. That’s right, the main show baby. Only the best play behind the plate. I have to be sharp, so no more beer during the games. I’m going to wait until after the game to starting pounding cold ones and I’m still going to drink you under the table.

My initials might as well be M-V-P. That stands for Most Valuable Player for all you non-softball players. The League starts next week. I may take the week before off to prepare.

Why do I take softball so seriously? You kidding me? You’re just jealous! See you at the ball park!
 
King Richard
President Mad River Softball Association

8 comments:

Ross Rowley said...

Hey, Didn't I buy a used car from you in the 1970's? Yeah, right across from Arctic Circle...King Richard, I thought the name seemed awfully familiar.

Have a good season!

Bobbylee Tatum said...

Since u bought all new equipment this season u should hook me up with a deal on that new 30oz bat u won. :)

Frank Fazzaro said...

no king richards was on 7 th street i had the carlot across from artic circle

Monte, best ex coach said...

I know, I know, it's God given.
I've watched your buddy, Domingo Ayala on YouTube.

Anonymous said...

Isn't "friging" spelled with two "g's" ??

samoasoftball said...

Funny Monte. And I am a hard ball pitcher!

Anonymous said...

What a BS'er..love it!!

Stu said...

What is friging?